Self Blaming
by Angel-Hiragizawa32
Summary: When someone falls in love hard, she took a step that made her fall hard. He never came back and left her mentally traumatised. She had no one else to blame but herself. SxS fic..hehe one shot! please read and enjoy


Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura  
  
A/n: This is a rather sad fic from me. One shot fic! I hope you won't flame me. Read and enjoy!  
  
***~*** Self Blaming ***~***  
  
  
  
  
  
*~* the beginning*~*  
  
I never thought that I would see the day where I would really fall down from the entire world. The deal with the cards was crazy of course but still, this really brought me down. I guess I have no one else to blame but myself. After all, I was the one who was unable to reply his answer. He has been gone for almost 10 years now and I'm already in my last year of my Masters degree. Now I'm standing at 5'8, long brown hair with large green emerald eyes, a perfect figure and the sweet personality that I always had. I look in the mirror just to be greeted by someone completely unknown.  
  
I'm already 22 years old and yet my past haunts me. Kero is staying with Nakuru and Spinel Sun in Eriol's mansion in Tomoeda. The last I heard of them was when the kitchen got on fire with the help of Nakuru and Kero. Eriol and Tomoyo are now together. Apparently, it did not work out between Eriol and Kaho because of physical appearance and age. Eriol came back brokenhearted but Tomoyo was there to comfort him and they eventually fell in love. I'm happy for them. Onii-chan and Yukito-san are still together as well. I manage to separate Yue and Yukito into two different individuals. Grandfather died about two years ago and left me his fortune. He left half to my brother and dad. Dad retired a few years ago and stayed at Grandpa's old mansion.  
  
  
  
As for me, I'm a single 22 year old who works at Starbucks down in Tokyo city. I have my own apartment, car, computer and pretty much everything I want except for one thing. I never had 'him'. I feel empty and lonely and I bet you know why. More of the question, I think you know who I'm talking about. Yes, he's the one with the messy brown chestnut hair, amber eyes and the most gorgeous smile. He was the little wolf. He left ten years ago after he told me that he loved me. He promised me that he would return but he never did. The moment he left was the moment that I found out how I felt. Back then, everyone told me that it was a child crush but now it's an unreturned hope.  
  
  
  
I miss him. I love him. I hate him.  
  
I have so many different overwhelming feelings towards him. I can't blame him though for making me feel this way. If I had told him how I felt, he might not have left me. By now, he had possibly forgotten me. It's been 10 years. Everything can change in 10 years. Anything could happen in those long years. Yes, I should not blame him. I blame it all on myself got all of my sorrows and all of my tears. I cannot blame anyone else but myself.  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
  
As I watch the night sky from my balcony, 'he' came to my mind again. The street lights were bright and the city was bright. The scenery could take almost everything off my mind. Again, I brought myself into depression. I want to move on. I want to forget him but my heart would not allow me to do so. I guess I'm in denial. I am denying every possibility that he might find someone new, forget me and never comeback. Of course, I would die from that state now. I always believed that one day he would come back and hold me in his arms. He would tell me that he'll never leave me again. Everyday for the past 10 years I've waited for that to happen but did it?  
  
No, it did not happen.  
  
* *  
  
Today was like everyday. I walked to the café to get my lunch. In two hours time, I've got a class at the art block. I bought myself a cup of café mocha and a turkey sandwich. I took my lunch to the park where I eat and read. I sat at my usual bench. Usually, no one sits there but me and a few of my pigeon friends. I would take out one of my favourite novels and read it as I consumed my sandwich. Today, someone very unexpected sat on my bench. It was none other than the older version of the boy that I've been obsessing about. He was in front of me at about 6'2, tall, dark and handsome. He stood up and looked at me. He looked so distinguished in his Armani suit. I dropped every single thing that I was holding. He walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't believe my eyes. I burst into tears and he comforted me.  
  
"Is this a dream?" I asked.  
  
  
  
He did not answer. He stepped back and slowly, disappeared. I ran towards him but he completely disappeared. That was when I snapped and woke up. I saw up on my bed and cried my heart out.  
  
Syaoran-kun............ Why do you have to make me suffer like this?  
  
  
  
I knew that I should have told you how I felt when I could have but now it's all too late. What do you expect of me right now? Where are you? Why did you not keep your promise? I wish you could be here because I can't stand it anymore. I'm lonely and I'm too deeply in love with you.  
  
I can't blame anyone else for feeling that way except myself. I blame myself for everything that has happened. I blame myself and no one else... Just myself...  
  
  
  
*end*  
  
  
  
A/n: That's a very short one. I just decided to write it. So, review! :D I hope that was alright. 


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